To- Dos

I have so much things to do and the clock is ticking faster than ever.

Times like this, I wish we have 36 hrs in a day. Well, not really la coz I can't wait for a lot of things to happen too. Wink wink.

Anyway, it's my day off today and I am glad to say that starting next week, I will be working just 5 days instead of my usual 6. I told Mr M. that I don't want to work as much because I want the extra time to do school work coz i want to graduate RIGHT ABOUT NOW!! Sebenarnya, I cant stand some people.. And before one of the veins in my neck POP from being too patient.. i shall take that day off. I was talkin to Ezabeth yesterday about how detrimental this job could be; physically and emotionally. lol. We could end up getting hypertension or something. But she put in her 2 weeks notice, 2 weeks ago and her last day is Thursday. Sniff Sniff. She is one person that understands me at the job. And one person I can actually tahan. She is working somewhere else now. I am happy for her. She is gonna start working for Bank of America soon. I need a new job!!!! But, Im not planning to look for one yet because I will be goin back to KL this summer.

YES.. KL!!

Talking about that. I have a bunch of to-dos that I need to do.

Let me share it with you

1) Pack, Pack, PACK!! ( moving end of february)

2) See Public Storage Space

3) Take pictures for passport renewal

4) Renew passport

5) Buy flight tickets

6) Pay School

7) File taxes

8) Sell furnitures

9) Study Study.. exams are around the corner.

10) Re-submit Financial Aid for Fall 10-11

That's all i can think of right now

oh and bayar puasa before summer.

Sike

okay la gtg

I have class soon and I want to start some packing. This is gonna be emotionally draining for me. Sighhhhhh

im gonna miss this place and my privacy so much.

Will update more when i get a chance

love youssss

Mwacks

toooss-dayy

Yippee.. I love sleeping in. It was so hard for me to get out of the bed this morning because I was / am still really really sleepy. But..I have class today so I have to get up early to print notes or wtv and get ready for class. I need to leave atleast half hour earlier too because I was late for my first class yesterday. I left my house and I had to turn back around because I realized I forgot to switch my flat iron off. So, i was like 15 mins late for class. I couldnt even find parking too! I guess there are many other students just like me who are too cheap to buy parking permits and opt out to park at the metered spots instead. I had to park at the airport parking, which is totally ILLEGAL. I'm glad that no one towed my car.. or glad that they didnt lock the gate so I can't get out. Phew.

The temperature has risen a little and the sun is UP! So it's pretty warm. I havent stepped out of the apt yet so I don't know what it's like outside coz I am comfy and warm in my sweat pants, t shirt, hoodie and my wooly socks.I just had a bowl of cereal and I guess after I take my shower later, I shall eat some of my scrumptious cooking from yesterday. It wasn't the best lah but I tried. My sambal was extra pedas coz I ran out of sambal oelek and I had to use dried chillis and yes.. they are super spicy! Surprisingly I have turned into an omelet lover. I guess bubu got me hooked on it. It does make the meal better. I am trying to eat at home more. Because I am tired of eating out and it costs money. I havent even had a sandwich from ABC for a whillleeee.. I eat a bagel a day but I didn't even get one yesterday but a half of a chocolate croissant that I split with Elizabeth. I was soooo hungry all day yesterday because I didnt eat anything the day before. All i had on Sunday was a bagel n creamcheese, some chilli and wings. And all I had yesterday was..half of the choc croissant.. until i cooked. The only reason why I hate cooking is because I cook for just one person. So it kinda sucks. I miss mommy's cooking :)

I miss my mom.. If she were here.. we'll probably go downtown on my day off just to get some cupcakes and hot drinks and chitty chat. <3

I am craving for my meehoon soup again.. mmmmmm...

twenty-ten!

Another year has gone by in a blink of an eye. It is now 2010. A new decade.

A new starting point for those who think that they have faltered or back stepped in their ambitions and life goals.

This of course applies to me too. I personally like new begin

nings because it is always good to start fresh once again. Especially after a challenging year, with the mistakes I've made last year and years past, this is time for me to make sure I do not repeat them. Looking back retrospectively, 2009 has made a big impact in my life. I will consider it as a benchmark. There are many things that have happened; both good and bad. In 2009, I turned 21, I graduated from SPC and I met my lova lova, my energy. :)

As for farah, she got married, graduated, moved back to kl and is now preggos. Oh yeah she's having a girl! cool. another girl in the family.

For the both of us, we separated. She is in her brand new life, and me in mine. And together we share the sorrow of losing our dad. Our family feel the same way too. It has been about 2 and a half months and I miss him. I cry everytime i think of him. He hasn't come to see me yet in my dreams. I wonder if he will. I hope he does. I miss you dad. I sleep with one of the many stuffed animals he gave me years ago every night; an orange dragon with purple ears, red hands and yellow something..it looks like a candy so I call it Dulce or candy in Spanish.

So, those are pretty much things viewing from the "surface" or the "shell". What does it look like inside? What does it feel like in this skin?

I feel that I still need to work on a lot of things. Living alone has taught me so many things that I never knew about me before. Living by myself for almost 6 mths now, I must say is really tough because I get lonely, and stressed out and just worried.. Like constantly worried. About a lot of things. Worried about surviving. Worried about doing well in school. I have been a very bad manager in my own life. If I were to run my own corporation, I will never build that empire that I desire. With that, I recognize my faults and mistakes and in this new year i will work on it. I will prove people wrong.

One important lesson to know.

---- This is the ultimate lesson that I have finally learnt to understand and GRASP. After years and years of trying to dig inside the meaning of this phrase, i finally get it. I finally GET IT. I have come to a point where I don't care what people say of me and, or my family. I really don't. I have always been that person who goes ALL out, trying my very best to be supportive, helpful and happy for some people. I am always there to back them up, lend my shoulder for them to cry on and even believe in the things they believe in. Kinda like being a shadow. I never say anything. I am this dumb, mute, deaf, stupid shadow that keeps quiet and does not say anything because I hate instigating dramas. I hate it when I stand up and finally say something, I am wrong. I hate it when am trying to say what's on my mind, I can't because I don't make sense.

I get decoded in the wrong way. Wtf. So when things do not go the way they want, when they feel they are being stepped down against, pushed back or ignored, whatever you want to call it.. I am the bad bitch.. and i don't deserve to be happy. And this is the one person that has always been happy and supportive and concerned of them. Tell me how am I supposed to deal with this? Now, ladies and gentleman, that is one question, I can not answer. I just don't know how. The thing with humans is, they don't realize that other humans, just like them, are imperfect. Yes, not perfect. Fallible. So how do we make sense of this chaotic consequence? All i can say is. It takes two to tango. It takes two hands to clap. You make sense and I will.

So, try me. I don't care if you think that I am a "self-centered ungrateful bitch", and I don't care if you are not happy for me or if you are not going to support me because I am done living in the shadows of your wants in your life. I have my own and I am just starting my own life, with nothing. You know it yourself. So, just give me encouragement. Give me respect. If you think I have strayed into different ways, spare me some of your prayers. Help me out. If you're not willing to do it. That's fine. That is completely and utterly fine by me. I guess.

Happy New Year!

Boom boom POW

I am done with finals!

I am officially on my winter break!

I am signed up for classes next semester.

I will do better next semester

I really have no idea what to say today but I feel like coming back on this blogspot. SO MUCH things have happened and I just don't know where to start. I guess I will start with saying that I am so excited because my sister is like 4 months pregnant. Her baby bump is visible now and she looks sooooooooooooo beautiful! OMG. Ive never seen anyone that looks as gorgeous as she does. Her pregnancy just radiates and emphasizes her beauty. I miss Farah a lot. I still wish she's here. She just turned 23 last Sunday. I miss her like crazy. She is so busy with her life and mine too and the time difference just suck. I am jealous because other people around her gets to see her and take care of her and be with her and I couldn't. But she is in good hands. Her in-laws are amazing. They make me, mom and dad at ease and happy for her well being.

Anyway, Christmas is in a week. I have done some Christmas shopping but I still need to get a few more presents and I need to wrap them up. I am really excited because MYRA..a.k.a my bff from Malaysia ( but now she's in Canada) is coming here.. to SEE ME! I wish Ms. Dellany May would be here as well but nope. :( LIFE IS SO UNFAIR! She called me yesterday and I just can't wait to just stay up all night and camwhore all day and talk about anything and do everything. She will be spending Christmas with my family and I. Apart from that, my aunt from GA is coming down with her lil ones and her hubba wubba. And I so cant wait too! We will be spending NYE at Busch Gardens! :) It will be awesome. However, I wish that my bubu could come down but he wouldn't be joining. Sigh.

I am getting my first Saturday off in a while!! I have to drive my mom to Orlando for her exam. She has been studying so hard and I believe that she'll do well. Kryslyn will be coming with us so atleast I have someone to hang out with while she does her test. Ms. K and I will be hitting the outlet malls and do some last minute shopping. We need to get gifts for the ABC Xmas party tmr night. I still do not know what to wear. I don't want to buy another outfit because I just got one outfit for Xmas day and I don't want to spend money. I guess I'll use whatever I have. Hence, that means.. there are gonna be pics of me wearing the same outfit twice on fb. wtv.

I don't have fb anymore. :)

For the time being.

it is tooo distracting and i have better thiings to do.

anyway.. me is going off now.

me has to goes and takes a showersss..

HAHAHAH

catch y'all laterrrr

byeee

Remembering You

Hello everyone.

Two weeks ago, I posted an entry on my dad's birthday. Ironically enough, I posted some verses from the holy Quran about facing hardships and how to deal with them. Little did I know a week later, something was going to change my life forever. A week later, all the things that I always took lightly was taken away from me. A week later, all my chances I had to redeem myself for the better and to become changed, was no longer available. A week later, the one thing I thought would always going to be there, was unfortunately, snatched away from me, with no explanations and no notice. A week later, 7 days later, 7 days after my dad's 48th birthday, less than 2 weeks ago, my one and only father, had passed and left this world.

It all happened a little too sudden and it almost still seem somehow quite surreal as I thought it was from the very beginning I heard the news. I can't believe how he is not here anymore. Just typing this and putting all these words and sentences together is hard for me. I missed him so much today. I've been doing really good trying to keep myself busy with things and not to think about it as much, but today, was different. I heard his voicemail he left on my cell the morning he passed and tears streamed down my cheeks. I miss talking to him at nights before I go to bed. Crazily enough, I miss his phone calls and I used to get so annoyed with him calling me 7 times a day. Now, I can't even talk to him. :( Sometimes I wish I can rewind the time and undo things that I had done. I wish I can just tell him how much I love him. I wish I can tell him that I am always going to be here for him. Me and Farah are always gonna be here for him. But, this is what we have in our books. This is the way our stories are written.

Daddy, I miss you so much and I hope you're doing okay up there. I know you are in a much better place. Don't worry about me. I am coping along fine. Have I moved on you ask? No,I haven't because I love you and I always will. I just want to say that I am sorry for all the things that I have said or done to you. You've been through a lot in your life and now you have to go. I wished you could have stayed a little longer but I guess God loves you more. You will always be remembered. You were really special to me. I wish God gave us a little more time so that maybe you could see me graduate and get married. But, it's okay. It's meant to be.

What am I going to do on my end?

I will keep on doing things that would make you proud. Both you and mom.

And I will always have you in my heart.

Serenity forever.

with love,

Aza

Reflection

Hey guys

Today is my dad's birthday. I just got off the phone with him to wish him a happy birthday. So, another year older. Alhamdulillah. We went out to eat last Sunday with the fam. Went to Cody's roadhouse near Tyrone mall. Dinner was good. Over dinner, dad made an announcement to the family that he is going to be a grandfather. YES! My sister is preggers! That makes me an aunt in 7 months and I can't hardly wait. I wish I am in Malaysia with Farah through her pregnancy, but reality bites.

Anyway, I went to the Mosque today to help Farah sort out some marriage-certificate-complication-registering-in-Malaysia problem and while i was waiting at the office, I was going through some handouts they have. I picked out randomly from a selection of many and I came across something really inspiring especially in times like these, at least for me. So, I would like to share some verses from the Quran with you for times you face a hardship just to give you an insight and give you hope that everything will be fine, God's willing.

Hardships Are a Trial

- "And certainly, We shall test you with something you fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to As-Sabirin (the patient ones,etc)" - Al-Quran 2:155

- "And whatever misfortune befalls you, it is because of what your hands have earned. And He pardons much." - Al-quran 42:30

Narrated by Abdullah ibn Abbas:

Once I was riding (on an animal) behind the prophet SAW when he said, "Boy, I would like to teach you something. Be careful and follow Allah's commands perseveringly. Allah will protect you. You should safeguard His rights, and you will always find Him with you; if you need something, ask Allah, and when you need help, solicit Allah alone for the same. Bear it in mind that if all people combined together to grant you some benefit, they would not be able to do so except that which Allah has determined for you and that if all of them were combined together to do you harm, they would not be able to do so except that which Allah has determined for you. The pens have been set aside and the writings of the book of fate have become dry." - Tarmidhi #62

This simply means that if you face a hardship, don't be afraid to talk to God because he wants you to talk to him and ask him for his pardon and his kindness for the things you have done. Even if you have sinned. its okay. Have faith in him and insyaallah things will be fine.

amin.

untitled blog

Just a random copy paste thing.

Complicated
Yet I surrender
Indulge in a moment to remember

think I will stay
Lured into your decadent embrace
Intoxicated
I fall from grace
Spiritual conviction to kiss your face

Twilight living on the edge
dazzling the art of danger
tonight we fall from desire's ledge
No Promises, Just Poetry

bonnie bailey- no promises